Cornflower
by Venerate
Summary: Sasuke doesn't look scared. Naruto smokes and Kiba whispers, "Babe, oh babe." : YAOI, SasuNaru, minor KibaNaru, foul language, cancer; minor character deaths and open ending :


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, nor am I making any money out of writing this little experiment.

**Warnings:** Yaoi (SasuNaru, some KibaNaru), bad language, sexual material (limes and lemons), AU, minor character deaths, not yet beta read. This is rated M for a reason.

**Summary:** Sasuke doesn't look scared. Naruto smokes and Kiba whispers, "Babe, oh babe." SasuNaru, minor KibaNaru.

**A/N:** It's important to **pay attention to the dates**. For an interesting read, do pay attention to the details such as symbols in colours and places (not only the italicized words).

**About reviews:** I'm really eager to answer your questions, so don't hesitate to ask about inspiration, how I thought when I wrote this particular scene or what I listened to while writing. I understand that you may have questions about everything and nothing, and please make sure to look into it as much as possible. _There is no right or wrong, just your own opinion._ Who am I to say that you have read it wrong? We are all individuals, thus we all have different experiences, beliefs and judgments. I look forward to hear what you thought and if there was something particular that you liked more than something else! :D

**Dedication:** this is for **Black JuJu**, because she won the little contest I held for **Uchiha's Eleven**. Great work there, hun! :)

* * *

**Cornflower**

**Written by Venerate**

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* * *

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**December 2, 2009**

Suddenly, everything becomes so, so heavy. The air around him – once chilly, because the wind reaches inside of his apartment – is turning into humid warmth. It is unpleasant and everything is so, so_ heavy_. There are sounds, but he can't hear them. His mind is under water, where sharks are making his pulse raise and the temperature is such a salty warm-cold that he doesn't know where the blue begins and the blue ends.

His eyes are open, and the salt water stings, and he doesn't hear what they are yelling from the floor. The telephone is dropped on the tatami mats and the fern-coloured tea cup lies innocently next to it. The porcelain is unharmed; he has time to notice before he fights to get to the surface. His mind is under water and he kicks and kicks. Swimming, he needs to _swim_.

Therefore, he does. He swims to the surface, but it is too fast. It is too fast and he reaches the surface with _decompression sickness_. He is now itching, but his muscles won't obey. There is confusion, and he hopes for memory loss and amnesia, but it won't come. He needs to cough – cough up water, air, desperation – but he is so heavy. Tired and shocked and heavy.

The telephone screams for him at the bottom, circled by sharks and tiny clown fish.

Uchiha Sasuke falls into a state of unconsciousness, slowly sinking down past coral reefs and jelly fish to the murky sand. He lands next to the empty tea cup on the tatami mats.

* * *

**February 15, 2008**

"Mm… That's _so_ good."

Uzumaki Naruto leans forward, his lips parting as he plans to devour the remaining pieces of whatever sweetness is occupying the fork. His pink tongue comes out and licks up the traces of fluffy cream. He moans, his cornflower blue eyes twinkling with mischief and the corners of his mouth pointing upwards.

This picture makes Sasuke feel oddly satisfied, and he dips the fork back into the piece of cake for another bite. Sasuke doesn't like sugary things, but the bite isn't for him. He holds the fork over the table, a faint smirk tracing over his handsome features as his boyfriend once again moans.

They are alone. Had they not been alone, Naruto would never have agreed to be fed so intimately by his lover. Sasuke knows this, and so he plans to savour this moment. Dark eyes watches as full lips wrap around the fork erotically. It is amazing, he thinks as he slowly pulls back, how someone could be so sexy.

Of course, this Naruto – the erotic, sensual Naruto – is rarely seen. At some point, it might be the chase (_the hunt_) for this side of Naruto that makes him so interesting. At another point, it might just be the way a pink tongue comes out to take away the strawberry jam that got stuck on the lower lip. Sasuke isn't sure, but he knows that he will dream wet, wet dreams of this for a long time.

The night is dark outside, but the cake is red and white with sugary-yellow decorations on top. There is no reason for the cake, because Naruto is an October-child and Sasuke was born in the late July. There is no anniversary, they have only been together for six months now, but Naruto likes to do unpredictable and crazy things.

_It keeps us alive._

And Sasuke lives when Naruto kisses him with strawberry and cream in his mouth. They are both alive when the younger man leans over the kitchen table to press his lips against Sasuke's. This is what they live for and it tastes like red and white cake. The buttercup yellow decorations on top of the cake say 'Happy Birthday Mother!' but neither has a mother.

What Naruto had been doing at the bakery, Sasuke doesn't know. Naruto has a soft spot for sweet things, and Sasuke loves to feed Naruto. They both win, and both are alive when the Uchiha is pulled out of his chair by the tie around his neck. The wooden legs of the furniture scrape against the floor, and no one cares, because Naruto is pulling Sasuke _in the right direction_.

Their bedroom door is closed, but Sasuke manages to open it without breaking free from his young lover. Their lips are moving together in a feverish frenzy, and Sasuke grabs Naruto's elbows to guide lanky arms around his neck. It is a comfortable position, they both think, and the blond man claws with blunt nails through Sasuke's dress shirt. He won't leave any marks, Sasuke knows from experience. There will be red lines on his back for a few hours until they fade away with his climax.

They are both alive as Naruto falls to the bed and Sasuke hurriedly undresses his boyfriend. Neither bothers with getting out of their shirts because the act in itself is burning and they are in a hurry. Sasuke doesn't take off his jeans fully, instead just pushing his pants and underwear to his knees.

Naruto has his back to him, and Sasuke places his hands on the small of his lover's back. He rubs the smooth skin, dark eyes watching as Naruto moans and buries his head in a pillow. They both know what is to come, and Sasuke tries to make the younger man relax.

Naruto doesn't have to search long for the lubrication, roaming his hand around without looking, because they keep it on Sasuke's nightstand. There, as a reminder and encouragement. They don't want to fall into a sexless routine and they want to vary.

Today is from behind and it has been too long since that, because Sasuke feels that he wants to see Naruto's face. When he come. When they come. He doesn't offer his thoughts aloud, and he keeps quiet because Naruto loves it_ doggy style_.

It is wet and his cock is pulsating once he pushes into Naruto's tiny hole. Slowly, because even though his shaft is dripping from gel-like lubrication, it might hurt and tear. Naruto moans and Sasuke grunts, the sounds of his thrusting and pushing hips soon echoing along.

It is music and it is Sasuke's favourite genre. Squelching as his rock-hard erection is pushed in and pulled out; skin slapping against skin as his hips collide with Naruto's ass. He leans forward and tries to angle it in the way that makes it all worth it.

Naruto screams. Naruto screams out incoherent things and his knuckles turn white as he grips the sheets under him. His head his thrown back and his lips are open to let out shocked and pleasured sounds. Each time Sasuke hits him right, he screams because he is reaching heaven and paradise. The mere thought of Sasuke inside of him has his thighs quivering and his teeth clenching together. He growls when Sasuke speeds up, a signal that he is close.

Sasuke is close and he speeds up, trying to imitate the motions of a horny dog, and his forehead is leaning against Naruto's back. He is sweating and he gets off of Naruto's screams and shouts for him to _go faster_. It is almost perfect, but there is a mental blockage and he wants to see cornflower blue eyes snap open right after they reach their climax.

Naruto screams and Sasuke grits his teeth together. It is almost perfect and Naruto is reaching paradise.

* * *

**April 3, 2008**

"Hurry up, Sasuke! Sasuke, for fuck's sake, hurry!"

Sasuke is hurrying, but he doesn't want anyone to see that he does, so he puts his hands in his pockets and look away as he walks. There are long steps instead of breaking into a run, and he reaches the younger man soon. He looks over the place, still seeing no reason to hurry.

There is sand under his feet and he left his shoes by the car. His dark eyes take in the sight of a dead fish on the wet sand. Naruto is sitting next to it, his eyebrows drawn together in thought.

"It's a fish," Sasuke says. It's a dead fish, he wants to say, but he doesn't because that would be–

"–stating the obvious, bastard… It's _dead_."

Sasuke keeps his question to himself (what are you, twelve?) and instead sits down next to the blond man. They are silent as blue eyes never leave the dead, silvery fish. There is some kind of symbolic that Sasuke has yet to grasp, but he stays silent. He is good at keeping things to himself, so good that he occasionally forgets that Naruto can do it too.

He is not worried because Naruto will tell him in the end. Instead, he offers his attempt at comfort. A strong arm around Naruto's shoulders as they sit in the dark; in the wet sand, and waits for the morning. There are a few tears and Sasuke is both disturbed and shocked at this. His Naruto is strong, so when there are tears, Sasuke is _angry._

_

* * *

_

**April 4, 2008**

It is the death of Jiraiya, Naruto's mentor and Godfather. Sasuke understands, but he doesn't say anything. Naruto has yet to tell him about this, but Sasuke is pretty sure that the other knows that he knows. Sakura told him, and she had been crying and sniffling.

Naruto didn't ask for comfort, nor did any more tears come, but he smokes and smokes and smokes like a chimney, because with each hour; death is slipping out of his mind. Sasuke is glad and wishes for no more fish.

* * *

**Mars 30, 2008**

There are times when people are around them, and today is such a day. Sasuke isn't a very social person, and he doesn't know how to carry a conversation that isn't completely or partial work-related for longer than a few minutes. However, these few people that have gathered to watch movies at their place know about his troubles.

They ignore it, because they know how hurtful special treatment can be. Naruto knows, and he (unconsciously or consciously, Sasuke doesn't know) always keeps an eye on his boyfriend. They watch each other, because Naruto loves him and Sasuke loves right back at him.

The movie is light and it is suiting for the mood that Haruno Sakura wants to accomplish tonight. Her best friend, Yamanaka Ino, has broken up with another man. This time is no different, and both Naruto and Sakura are on her with love, ice cream and sweet candy. Chocolate and love, Naruto tells Sasuke whenever Ino has exited another relationship, is vital.

Sasuke wonders if this applies to them as well, or if it is a girl thing. On a second thought, he isn't sure that he wants to find out. Losing Naruto would crave more than chocolate, he knows – but he doesn't say this aloud, because he has an image to maintain. A part of him is also sure that even if he wanted to say this, he wouldn't be able to.

As Naruto sit with his arm around Ino's shoulders, and the blonde woman cries because the movie characters is _just like me and him_, Sasuke feels left out. He knows that Sakura does as well, but she hides it because she knows that Ino needs a comforting man. A man who tells her that she is beautiful, special and smart.

(_A man is easier to believe_; Sakura says all the time and plays with her peach-pink hair.)

Sasuke doesn't mind having the girls there, because it is nice to know that with them – almost always – come Rock Lee and Nara Shikamaru. On occasions, there are even more men, and Sasuke takes his time to show off. No one can tell that he does, but he likes to show his expensive apartment and loveable partner. He knows that sometimes, sometimes, sometimes, the others are jealous of him.

It feels good.

Ino cries, eats chocolate ice cream and hugs Naruto closer.

* * *

**June 14, 2008**

If there is a thought that passes Sasuke's mind often, it is the thought of getting married.

He is not a family man, as the mere thought of crying children and disagreeable teens has him shivering. He is certainly not a family man, but the thought of marrying Naruto often makes itself known in his mind. He knows why the thought is there, and he thinks that it is stupid. It isn't the most common thing for men to marry other men, but it is legal and it has been done.

It is not others' opinions or morals that are keeping him at bay. No, it is the fear of rejection.

He knows that he fears it, and it is a fear that he embraces much like a mother embraces her newborn child. It is the fear that keeps him from doing it, and that is all well because (he doesn't know what he would do without Naruto) he can't see himself standing in front of a priest, saying 'I do' in front of all of their friends.

I do…

…love him.

So much, in fact, that Sasuke is scared of rejection. Uchiha Sasuke is rarely scared, and he isn't because there is logic behind everything. Logic is good, and Sasuke and Shikamaru agree on this. Shikamaru is logical, and therefore, they are friends. The kind of friends that rarely speaks, but once they do; it's of importance.

One day, Sasuke is going to speak of this with Shikamaru, and the Nara will tell him to get over himself and just _do it_. Sasuke wants to just do it, because he has a ring that he wants Naruto to wear.

Naruto would answer loudly and happily, in Sasuke's dreams, and they would get married. They would get married and have a long, long honeymoon with sex and kisses. Naruto would let him feed him with cake – this time, the cake has pine green decorations that taste of pear and it says–

_Sasuke and Naruto._

_

* * *

_

**June 27, 2008**

Inuzuka Kiba is loud and brash, but moreover, he is stupid. Sasuke can't help but glare darkly at the brown-haired man, who merely grins and shrugs. There is a certain thing about Kiba that has Sasuke wary and paranoid, and it is outmost visible from the way he glares and snarls.

Naruto says it is because Kiba is practically brought up in a dog kennel, whereas Sasuke's only pet ever was a cat.

Sasuke knows that it is because Kiba and Naruto went to the same high school, and that they kissed-fucked-experimented during those years. He is jealous, wary and paranoid, because he doesn't want Naruto to get nostalgic and sleep with Kiba.

Naruto is loyal, and Shikamaru looks down on Sasuke for having these thoughts. Sakura does too, because she notices, and she cares, and she wants Sasuke to trust Naruto. They don't know, he thinks. They don't know of the time back in early 2007 when Sasuke came home early from work and he found–

"–oh, yes, yes, yesyesyesyesyesyes, KibaKibaKiba, God, more-_yes_!"

Therefore, when Kiba slips, no one but Naruto and Sasuke stiffens. Not even now, when they are all gathered on the way home from the club where Ino likes to pick up rich men to play with, do they notice what it brings to mind. Not even Sakura, who is buzzed from girly drinks offered by her boyfriend Lee, notices.

"Babe," Kiba says – out of habit or to tease Sasuke, no one knows. Perhaps it is even because he is unhappy and he wants to, or that _Naruto will always be his babe_. "Babe–"

"God, shut up!" It might be the alcohol that is speaking, but it doesn't matter, because Sasuke loves the shocked look in Kiba's dark eyes. He loves that Naruto's voice is rough and honest and loud: "I'm not your babe, Kiba! I haven't been in _years_!"

"But, babe…"

And there is a pause, because no one knows how to handle this. Naruto is never angry with them, Naruto is their friend and Naruto is friend_ly_. Sasuke is smirking in the dark, and he puts a strong arm around his boyfriend's shoulders. Naruto continues, and it shocks them all, but the blond man is fuelled by the support that comes with his lover's arm around him.

"I love Sasuke, Kiba. We're over now."

_Now? _

Sasuke and the others (oh, all the others; buzzed Sakura, heart-broken Lee, shocked Kiba, tired Shikamaru and hungry Chouji) are surprised and amazed that one single word can hold so much meaning.

Now.

* * *

**July 9, 2008**

Their love is rather complex, and the word _now_ still echoes in his mind whenever Kiba is near or brought-up. Sasuke pretends that no one else thinks of _we're over now_ and that it was a small misstep from the drunken Naruto. They all do, and it's sad, because they all thought that Naruto is loyal.

Naruto is loyal, because whereas Kiba was mere kisses-fucking-experimentations, Sasuke is the real deal. Sasuke is the man that Naruto loves-makesloveto-islovedby. Sasuke is the man that Naruto comes home to, whines to and complains about, because they love each other and Naruto really doesn't want to do the dishes tonight. They wait to the morning, because they make love into the golden wee-hours and forget about the dirty plates and cups.

It isn't Kiba that Naruto wakes up to every single morning, and it isn't Kiba's hand that Naruto wants to hold when they are taking a walk. No, because it is Sasuke he wakes up next to, and it is Sasuke's hand that he desperately wants to hold when they are outside. He wants to show the world that Sasuke – handsome, beautiful, intelligent, gorgeous – Sasuke is _his_.

Naruto is loud when Sasuke tickles him tonight. His laughter is hysterical and tears of joy are running down his scarred cheeks. He squirms and squirms, trying to get out of the torture. He kicks and squirms, tries to roll down on the floor, but he is trapped under his boyfriend and he laughs, laughs, laughs.

Sasuke is smirking, his long fingers expertly moving over Naruto's ribs and toned stomach. They are both almost naked – Sasuke is wearing his pants still and Naruto has his boxers there – but they are actually heading towards the shower after a game of paintball with Sasuke's friends Juugo, Karin and Suigetsu.

This isn't something that Sasuke does on a regular basis, because even if he loves to torture Naruto in every single way possible, it is the same as letting go of the image he created. This is Naruto, however, and no image is maintained once they get started.

Be it fury, happiness, sadness or even more anger, they are bad at hiding feelings. They think they are good, but both can read and see with eyes so clear. It is almost ridiculous that they think that they can hide whatever they feel because...

...Sasuke can see the hurt in Naruto's cornflower blue eyes, swirling around in the deep blue while a convulsive smile graces his features. It is there because Naruto_ isn't_ inhuman – and even he can't be happy all the time.

...Naruto can see the small, small muscles by the corners of Sasuke's mouth. They are tiny, unused muscles. Two of them, one on each side of the pale mouth, but they never work together to form an actual smile. Naruto can see how they twitch at times, when they are alone, and he knows.

So when Sasuke tickles, Naruto laughs; squirms and kick. Because there are no boundaries or images to maintain. It's too late for that now.

Now.

* * *

**July 23, 2008**

"Happy birthday, Sasuke."

And Sasuke thinks that the best gift of them all is hearing Naruto use his name.

They are once again alone, there will be cake, and they are alone. It feels good, and Sasuke puts his hands on Naruto's shoulders. They kiss, and it tastes good, because his boyfriend has most likely already tasted the cake.

As their lips move, Sasuke closes his eyes and bathes in the attention. It is attention that he wants, but will never ask for, and his tongue meets with Naruto's in the most pleasant way. His hands are still on Naruto's shoulders, and he enjoys warm hands in his already tangled hair. This is the way he wants to wake up every morning.

Naruto tugs at his hair, pulling their lips apart with a wide grin. "The others won't come until tonight. We can do whatever you want until then," Naruto offers.

It is a kind offer, because Sasuke knows how hard it must be for Naruto not to plan something grand and special on his birthday. Naruto loves to throw surprise parties, loves to buy gifts, loves to loudly sing 'happy birthday'. Sasuke thinks that it is because no one would do it to Naruto himself until very recently, and because Naruto wants to deserve his friends' affection and warmth.

Therefore, it is a kind offer, and Sasuke presses his lips against Naruto's again. The kiss is soft and quick, and Naruto removes his hands from the black (almost grape violet) hair. The hands are warm as they travel over Sasuke's naked, pale chest. It feels good, and the touch is rather unusual from Naruto. Most of the time, his movements are hurried and eager.

"It's your day," Naruto murmurs close to Sasuke's ear, as if he has heard the thought process.

Getting off of Sasuke, Naruto walks out of the room, fully dressed. Sasuke doesn't waste time lying around in bed, and instead gets up and dresses in jeans and a shirt. He thinks that a shower can wait until tonight, because even if it is _his day_, he doesn't want to disappoint his lover. (He doesn't want to disappoint himself, because he has a promise to maintain – the promise to himself – _keep Naruto happy_.)

Naruto has already set the table, and the dishes from yesterday have magically disappeared. This is a rarity, and Sasuke shows his gratefulness by playing along. This is very unusual indeed, as even their weekend mornings are quick and over in a second. They are both always heading somewhere, be it work or some kind of adventure, and this change is nice once in a while.

Silently, both think that it is sad that it has to be someone's birthday for them to actually allow themselves to relax fully.

Sasuke drinks his baobab tea, smirking behind the fern-coloured cup: "You shouldn't have coffee, moron."

"Pfft," Naruto sounds into the caffeine, because he doesn't agree with Sasuke at all. He too wants to drink coffee, because he doesn't think that he get hyper.

Naruto doesn't drink black coffee, but prefers to outweigh it with cream and sugar. If asked, Naruto would always deny that it is a latte. Those things are for girls, he always says and takes a sip from the over-sized glass, cream with cinnamon sticking to his upper lip.

"What do you want to do today?" Naruto asks.

Sasuke doesn't want to answer this – he wants Naruto to read him and understand. It is easier that way, when he doesn't have to grab his pride and pull it down to reveal his wants and needs. So, he doesn't speak, instead avoiding eye contact in hopes of not having to say, 'I want–'

"–to stay at home?"

Sasuke didn't nod, but Naruto grins in understanding.

"We haven't finished that puzzle yet!" Naruto reminds him. Both of his hands are around the big, tall glass, and the point of his tongue came out to play with the cream on top. "And we could try to make that ice cream-thingy that Hinata talked about."

And so they did. The most pleasant part is going to the nearby grocery store for ice cream-ingredients, Naruto pulling him down every isle with every intention of pleasing the older man. Of course, attempting to make the ice cream is a whole other story, with determined glares and frustrated cries.

Even though there would be a party later that night, with every single one of Naruto's and his friends, and even though their ice cream-escapades was a messy disaster (and that their puzzle-time somehow slipped into sex), it is one of the best birthdays Sasuke has had.

* * *

**September 14, 2008**

"I'll see you tonight then?"

Sasuke snorts, because the question is stupid. He snorts, because Naruto asks the question every single morning before Sasuke goes to work. He smirks, because he can see that his boyfriend is still only half-awake.

There is no "I love you, see you, buy milk, have a good day at work", but Sasuke is very satisfied with their kind of goodbye. He doesn't know what to call it, but he thinks that it goes something along the lines of "don't forget the milk or I'll kick your ass, oh and please think of me sexually at least once because I'll think of you."

He isn't sure, but the kiss that he gets from his blond lover confirms his theory. Naruto's lips are dry, and their noses collide for a second before Sasuke tilts his head to the side. Warm hands run over his pale cheeks, down his throat where thumbs massage until those tan hands settle on his shoulders. Sasuke puts his big hands on Naruto's hips, pulling the younger man closer.

"Goodbye," Naruto breathes out when Sasuke's tongue is pulled out of his mouth. The goofy grin makes Sasuke smirk in satisfaction and he takes pride in his handiwork. Naruto gives him a shove, amusement in his voice when he urges to Sasuke to leave, "Go so I can make myself ready. I swear you're like a walking distraction."

"Tonight," Sasuke says lowly in Naruto's ear. It is some kind of promise (their goodbye-promise), but neither really knows what it means. Tonight, after we get out of work, tonight. Tonight, Sasuke promises.

* * *

**September 23, 2008**

This isn't their idea of fun, but when Sasuke's friend, Hōzuki Suigetsu, asks them to come, neither could say no. Technically, Sasuke _did _say no…

Therefore, Sasuke is sure that this is an awful way of wasting time. He has yet to speak since they arrived to his friend's favourite place. He simply watches as Suigetsu and Naruto sits on the end of the wooden jetty. He doesn't want to go all the way out, not because he is scared or because of a childish reason like that.

He simply stands there on the beach, hands in his pockets, watching as his friend and his lover talks and argues. Naruto has pulled out his second cigarette, blowing out smoke with sexy expertise. There are only few other people around this shore, seeing as there are no good roads leading here. To get to this place, one has to walk through a forest and then on a narrow gravel road for about an hour. Only Naruto is insane enough to find that pleasurable, Sasuke thinks.

Though, standing there, dark eyes takes in every single colour and shade. Ultramarine, mimosa and burnt orange. The sound of seagulls and small waves meeting the sand are what can be heard, but he prefers the sight. The ivory beach isn't very warm under his feet, but it has almost the same temperature as the evening April when Naruto tried to tell him that Jiraiya had passed away.

It is this thought that forces Sasuke to take a step forward, up on the jetty. He does, and his mind isn't thinking of getting splinters in his toes as he walks up to the two males at the end. The wood is warmer than the sand. He reaches them right in time for Naruto to flick his cigarette into the beautiful water and hug Suigetsu, and Sasuke realises that this is why Suigetsu brought them here.

A soft sob escapes Suigetsu's throat, and Sasuke stumbles backwards with wide eyes. The scene is intimate when Naruto wraps his arms around Suigetsu's shoulders and pull him close. Naruto buries his face in Suigetsu's orchid hair, his face pulled into a sad frown. Sasuke doesn't know what to do, because he has never been good at comforting. With Naruto there, he shouldn't have to do anything.

He bites his lip, and wonders how many deaths there will be before the year is over.

* * *

**September 24, 2008**

"The hell he is."

"He's _hurting_, Sasuke."

Sasuke sighs, and rubs his temples in annoyance. Their apartment isn't tiny, but there is no guestroom and Sasuke doesn't want Suigetsu to stay with them (on _his_ couch). It is one thing to meet up with friends once in awhile and it certainly is another thing to have them sleep on your sofa. He doesn't want this, and he won't go down without a fight.

"He'll get over it. Mangetsu's death isn't a surprise," Sasuke says. This is not the right thing to say, he notices, because Naruto narrows his eyes dangerously. The young Uchiha knows that this means war. Neither takes too good on losing, and it is no longer only a matter of Suigetsu's well-being.

"He is staying here, you asshole. He's your friend, and his brother died two days ago. What kind of bastard are you?"

"No. He can live with Juugo – or Karin."

"_No_. Karin will kill him and Juugo is never at home. He needs someone." Naruto is taking this too personally, and the blond man grabs Sasuke's jacket. They are in the apartment, but Sasuke has just arrived, only to be attacked by his lover. "We can take care of him! He needs _us_."

"Buy a cat," Sasuke advises coldly. Naruto lets out an infuriated cry, shaking Sasuke by the jacket. This earns him a deep scowl before the black-haired man swats his hands away. "He can sleep in his own apartment – he's a grown man."

"He lost his brother! Sasuke, he lost his brother just like _you_!"

* * *

**October 2, 2008**

Sasuke is in heaven, his eyes half-lidded as he looks up at Naruto. It is dark in the room, the blinds pulled down, but he can see his boyfriend clear enough. The sheets under him have become a wrinkled mess, but he doesn't care or notice. His big hands are on Naruto's hips, guiding up and down, up and down. Oh, oh, he thinks and pushes his own hips up to meet the thrusts.

He grunts loudly when Naruto throws his head back to go faster. They are both so alive, and Sasuke almost wants to _die _because this is so good. The warm, tan hands on his chest claws and runs over him, scraping over pale skin and sensitive nipples. Up and down, up and down, and Naruto cries out loudly as a spot inside of him is stroked, teased and caressed. He tries to–

"Bounce," Sasuke demands huskily. Again, he demands it with a breathy voice that doesn't sound much like his own. He doesn't usually talk during sex, but he somehow feels the need to get vocal once Naruto is riding him. Perhaps it has to do with the position, that he isn't in full control, and somehow (just somehow) he needs to assert himself. "_Bounce_."

He sees colours because he is close, he is close, so-so-so, oh God, so _close_.

Naruto is even closer, because his breathing is loud and he is calling Sasuke's name like never before, until it slurs together into a beautiful chanting. They haven't had sex in about a week, and Naruto can't help his desire. The hard cock inside him reaches the gland occasionally, making him moan and tense up.

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, more, Sasuke, Sasuke!"

"Yeah, you like that–"

There is loud banging on their door, and Naruto stops in surprise. He accidently claws over Sasuke's nipple, making the Uchiha grunt. Their rapid and deep breathing is all that can be heard. Sasuke growls, his aching erection throbbing along with his irritation. More banging.

"Sasuke–" Naruto moans when the big hands on his hips tighten their grip to push him off. The shaft that is inside him is rudely pulled out, making his breath hitch. Sasuke says nothing, merely grabbing the covers to pull around his waist.

Sasuke is livid, because he is so horny (so close), and he opens the bedroom door with such vigour that it slams against the wall. All three inhabitants of the apartments thinks that _oh, fuck, that's gonna leave a dent._ No one speaks, because the vivid look in dark eyes is enough warning.

"What."

Suigetsu, standing in pyjama pants in the doorframe, chuckles awkwardly. His oddly coloured eyes drift towards the bed, and a rose blush rushes over his pale cheeks upon the naked sight of Naruto. Suigetsu doesn't look away – because, really, he never imagined Naruto to be so sexy (as a panting, shivering mess sprawled out over the bed) under all that goofiness. Once again Suigetsu has done something without thinking, and Sasuke is murderous.

"I haven't had sex in _eight days_," Sasuke informs slowly. Suigetsu makes a grimace, a kind of grimace that is supposed to be an innocent smile. It doesn't work, and the anger in Sasuke is as red as the head of his cock. "You are going to go back to the living room. Get it?"

"You're being loud!" Suigetsu counters. "I can't sleep!"

Sasuke silently changes hand to hold up the sheets around his hips, but that isn't enough sign for Suigetsu. Naruto barely manages to shout out a warning before Sasuke draws back his right arm.

"Ow! You punched me!"

"I'm trying to fuck here. Get out." Sasuke closes the door, not daring to glance at the Ming green wall, afraid that there would be an awful indent there. He drops the sheet, revealing his still hard dick, and Naruto licks his lips.

Naruto can't suppress laughter when Sasuke attacks him on the bed, pressing kisses down his throat as they start over.

* * *

**November 14, 2008**

"This," Naruto whispers, "is _so_ good."

Sasuke smirks as he looks down on the cupcake. He pushes his index finger and long finger into the copper cream on top, bringing them up to Naruto's lips. They are alone and the blond man parts his lips to take the digits in his mouth. Sasuke is satisfied, as the pink tongue he knows all-too-well tickles his fingertips.

Their apartment rings of silence, and it feels unusual. Suigetsu left only a few days ago, and they are both trying to get used to it. Trying is not too hard, because they are easily falling into something that is similar to a routine – _their routine_.

After a month with Suigetsu, they are both looking forward to have sex every night and be as loud as they want. They are both looking forward to finish that puzzle that rests on the coffee table (because Sasuke refuse to do such things with Suigetsu near). They are both looking forward to order take-out from the place Sasuke and Naruto likes (the place that Suigetsu didn't want to eat from, because, yuck, there are only fish-dishes!)

For now, Sasuke settles with feeding his lover. Naruto smiles around the fingers, his beautiful eyes trained on Sasuke's handsome face. There is a silence that is comfortable around them, because Naruto can't speak with fingers that taste of oranges in his mouth and Sasuke doesn't want to speak. This is his nature: Sasuke doesn't like listening either, so he occupies Naruto with something.

Sasuke's head is in the clouds when his fingers are pulled out of the warm mouth, a small chain of saliva connecting the long digits to the mouth. Sasuke wipes it off on Naruto's lower lip, and he plants a kiss to make it disappear. The kiss makes everything better, and when they close their eyes, they can see it.

It.

Their future, together, always, because there isn't (won't be) anyone else. Together, with cornflower blue eyes and with eyes so brown that they are almost black, they will see their future. Sasuke knows this, wants this, needs this. He wants to sit by Naruto's side when Sakura has her first child with Lee; he wants to sit by Naruto's side when Ino finally realise that Shikamaru is_ waiting for her_.

He wants to sit by Naruto's side for the rest of his life, to watch the others and have the others watching them.

He wants Sakura to call them and ask (demand), with a tired voice, to babysit her child. Sasuke wants to be able to protest, while Naruto tells him just this once, because it is Sakura's kid. He wants Ino to stop by their door with tears in her eyes, holding a white envelope, and tell about her and Shikamaru's wedding date because she couldn't wait until they got their invitation by snail mail.

He wants all that, and more. He wants Naruto.

And Naruto wants him, because he is wrapping his arms around Sasuke's neck to pull him closer. Sasuke pulls back, forcing his younger lover into his lap, and they kiss until they can't breathe anymore. They kiss, and parts, leaning their foreheads against each other.

"I love you," Naruto says.

* * *

**December 16, 2008 **

"C'mon, you know you want_ something_!"

"Nuh-uh. I'm good," Naruto insists. His eyes are narrowed with determination, and they all know that he won't reveal what he wants for Christmas. Sasuke smirks, because Sakura's frustrated cry is music to his ears.

"Fuck you," she grumbles. The foul language suits her persona, but Lee looks rather appalled at his lady's wording. Lee doesn't mention it, and if Sasuke had been a humorous and talkative person, he would have graced them all with the sound of a whip. "How 'bout you, Sasuke-kun? Tell me what you want!"

Sasuke glances at Naruto, who refuses to meet his eyes – because he knows what Sasuke wants on Christmas morning. The Uchiha responds accordingly, because he knows that Sakura won't shut up until he has said something. "Perhaps something to go with what you gave me last Christmas."

He can tell that she can't remember what she gave him last year, so she nods and smiles. He can barely contain the smirk that is threatening to surface. To hide the pleasure he takes in seeing her flustered, he puts his hand on Naruto's thigh. This causes Naruto to look at him, wondering what now, and there is a slight grimace.

"Coffee," Sasuke murmurs. He trails a finger up Naruto's firm thigh, and the blond man shivers. He is satisfied when Naruto stands up to act like a good host, murmuring that he _is going to get a smoke anyway_. Sakura is satisfied too, because she takes Naruto's place between Sasuke and Ino.

"So, what does he want?" she asks and smiles. The television is on and her emerald eyes glance towards it when Ino gives an appreciative cry (oh, God, he's hot!), but she looks back to Sasuke for an answer.

"Hm," Sasuke says and picks up a magazine that he has been hiding under the newspaper on the mahogany coffee table. Naruto will never touch the newspaper unless he feels a strange need for the comics. He holds a picture up, a picture of one of those skateboards. Sasuke won't tell Sakura that Naruto already has two skateboards already, because Naruto really wants this: it's orange!

"Is this how Naruto-kun maintains his glow and passion? I must get one myself!" Lee declares with his eager voice. Sakura sends him a look, and he quiets down with an apologetic smile.

"What are you getting him?" Ino asks, leaning forward to see past Sakura. She wears a curious smile, and Sasuke shrugs even though he knows exactly.

* * *

**December 25, 2008**

"Mrr-y Chsmas," Naruto slurs tiredly. His eyes don't open until he feels the hard weight of Sasuke on top of him. Chest against chest, Naruto gives a sleepy moan as he is pleasantly pulled out of slumber. He lazily wraps his arms around Sasuke's neck and responds to the languid kiss.

Their noses bumps together, their lips moving dryly – practically eating – and it is their first time all over again. This is what it takes for Naruto to wake up, and he grins happily against Sasuke's lips.

"Merry Christmas, my moron."

* * *

**January 3, 2009**

"–hate you, hate you, _hate you_!"

Sasuke wants to vomit, but he doesn't, and he wants to hide his face in his hands. He doesn't, but he wants to, and he feels like throwing up _now_. There, he will throw up and watch as his breakfast becomes one with the tatami mats. Nothing comes up his throat, because Naruto is still yelling:

"Fuck you! _Fuck you, Sasuke_!"

"Shut up." Or I swear to God–

Naruto doesn't shut up, tears are running down his face (down those beautifully scarred cheeks, disappearing by those rosy lips) and he just can't stop the words. "You're such an asshole! I hate you, fuck you, I hate you!"

Naruto's voice is so loud that the neighbours must be wondering. What has Sasuke done this time? What are they up to now? Sasuke wants to use his bare hands to shove Naruto into the wall and strangle, strangle, strangle… in the same way he feels strangled now.

"How could you? How?"

Their fights are never easy. There might even be punches and kicking and biting, but Sasuke refrains. Sasuke refrains because it always, always comes back to bite him in the ass. He knows that Sakura will take Naruto's side, because _how could you hit him like that? Have you seen that black-eye! _Moreover, she will never know of the awful pain he felt the time when Naruto kicked his balls. The blond is always smart enough to hit him where it isn't visible, but Sasuke never learns.

His blunt nails are digging into the callous skin of his palms, and Naruto gasps when his older lover practically burrows his hands in the wall on each side of the blond head. He growls, bares his teeth, because he will _not_ tolerate this.

"You hate me?" This is spat out, aggression and fury oh-so-beautiful in his voice. Naruto tries to fuse with the wall, as becoming one with the barrier is a better option than face the man trapping him. "Tell me," he says slowly, "how much, _really_?"

"I saw you-you… You were _kissing_ her…"

Her being Karin. Karin with the red, long hair and the thick-rimmed glasses. Glasses that she doesn't need, but keep on because it makes her look smart. With skin paler than Sakura's and a curvy body that Ino is longing for. Always dressed in leather skirts or shorts, with boots and lavender blouses. She is rough and violent, easily flustered, smart and foul-mouthed. Her pride equals Naruto's, and they are both so alike without knowing it.

"You kissed her, on the lips–"

"I didn't kiss her."

"–there was fucking tongue, and I–"

"I didn't kiss her!"

Naruto winced, his ears ringing like beautiful bells from the harshness and loudness in Sasuke's usually bored voice. He wants to believe, believe and believe as his parents had followed Buddha devotedly, but there is something keeping him back. The images of Sasuke and Karin are strong, fiery scarlet and hot black. Their pale lips meeting and her tongue, oh God, her tongue.

"She kissed me," Sasuke says, and his tone is calmer. He knows that Naruto is listening; he knows that he is holding the reins now. "_She _kissed _me_."

Naruto wants to believe, he does, but he can't-can't-can't.

"Why would I kiss her?" Sasuke asks.

It was a question (no, wait, no! It was _the_ question) and Naruto closes his eyes. Sasuke runs a thumb over one of the horizontal scars on Naruto's cheek. Dark eyes note how his own knuckles have become red from the impact when he hit the deep Nile-coloured wall.

"Why, you idiot, why would I kiss _her_?"

The reply is mumbled and rushed, and Sasuke leans forward. His breath his hot against Naruto's lips, and there is a faint scent of baobab.

"Again," he commands. "Again, for fuck's sake, Naruto."

"I thought you wanted revenge! I thought you were going to sleep with her!"

Naruto slides down the wall, his hands covering his face as he forces himself not to cry. Sasuke stands still, his hands both on the wall, his crotch in the right height for Naruto to suck. He sighs, both because of Naruto and because of his own perverted thoughts. This is frustrating, and all Sasuke wants to do is leave. Leave, leave, leave but he doesn't dare to do such a thing. (What if Naruto is gone when he comes back?)

"Inuzuka–" it is a pain saying the name "–and you were a mistake. It happened once." This was Sasuke, trying to convince himself. This was Sasuke, hiding his own suspicions and thoughts. "It was a stupid mistake, and it won't happen again." _Because, because, because you love me,_ he wants to stammer.

"It was," Naruto agrees with a tone thick with unshed tears. "It was and it was stupid and I regret it, please Sasuke, please…" This is Naruto, angry with himself. This is Naruto, crying because he regrets it so badly. This is Naruto, who wants Sasuke to know.

"She kissed me," Sasuke confirms and crouches. He reaches out, because this he has seen in movies, you touch and hug the sad one. You say moronic things to comfort and pretend, he has seen. "Like Kiba kissed you."

Naruto gives out a strange sound, something between a grunt and a sob. His face is still hidden.

Sasuke puts his hands on Naruto's knees, spreading them so that he can sit between them. His face is close to Naruto's hands, and he presses a soft kiss on a knuckle. His tongue comes out to playfully lick along one finger, making Naruto tense up.

"She kissed me," Sasuke says, "like Kiba fucked you."

And Naruto cries.

* * *

**February 14****, 2009**

Valentine's Day is never something they think particularly about. Every day should be exciting, Naruto thinks, because romance isn't really for people like them. People like Naruto, who never had someone to give a rose during February the fourteenth. People like Sasuke, who never wanted those fucking roses because 'God, aren't these girls annoying.'

This year is different, because Sakura and Lee want them to come camping with them. Ino and her new boyfriend, Sai, are coming, and Sakura really doesn't want another double date with Ino. So they pack their bags because it has been some time since they last went camping. It is enjoyable, Sasuke thinks, because it is quiet. It is okay, Naruto thinks, because having sex in the wild is_ exciting_.

"It's cold," Ino complains once they get inside of the car. Sasuke is driving, and Naruto is sitting in the passenger seat because his voice rang 'shotgun' the loudest. "I can't believe she's making us do this in February."

"It's supposed to be romantic," Sai says, as if to inform all of them.

Naruto can't help but snicker, because this man is so awkward, so strange, that he will probably be the most memorable of all of Ino's boyfriends. He looks slightly like Sasuke, but Sasuke doesn't think so at all. He isn't _that _pale; his eyes aren't _that_ feminine. (But Sai is handsome, both Sasuke and Naruto thinks as their eyes lingers on a pale, toned stomach.)

"Sasuke, turn left here!"

Naruto points to the left, and Sasuke doesn't turn. Sasuke is already irritated because they have had to stop three times in a few kilometres because 'I need to smoke, I need to pee, I need a cig, I need to get something from the trunk, I need a smoke.'

Naruto lets out a miffed sound, because he wants to read the directions. "You're going in the wrong direction! Hey, bastard, listen–"

"Naruto," Sasuke says with a sigh. It is a playful sigh, the I-know-I'm-right-but-I'll-be-kind-to-you sigh. It is a sigh that is all too familiar, that Naruto hates. "We're going in the right direction."

"No, it's wrong–"

"No–"

"–wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong–"

"It's right! Naruto, it's fucking right!"

"_Wrong!"_

Ino and Sai laugh in the backseat, but really, they are both sad because they know that neither will experience the same kind of connection.

* * *

**Mars 2, 2009**

"Hm hm," Naruto chuckles. His cornflower blue eyes are trained on the fern-coloured cup in Sasuke's hands. "Hm hm…"

"You're drunk."

The tone Sasuke uses when he states this is amused. Amused, not accusing and not disappointed. There is amusement sparkling in his dark, dark eyes when Naruto comes home six o'clock in the morning. It is a Monday, but this doesn't stop Naruto and Ino when they go out to dance. Sai is out of the picture, and this time, there is no ice cream (but there is alcohol).

"Pff-please," Naruto says with a critical look. He thinks _how can he tell I'm drunk_ and _ah, I'm good at playing sober_.

Sasuke doesn't answer, simply raising his cup to his lips again. The steam from the tea gently wakes him up this early morning, and he tries not to think of the fact that he has to go to work in an hour. Naruto narrows his eyes; his sight is blurry and stained.

"He-ey…"

Naruto slumps down in Sasuke's lap unceremoniously, smelling of smoke and alcohol, causing the hot liquid to spill over the table. Sasuke grunts at the added weight, quickly putting the cup down before it can spill some more. He wraps his strong arms around a lean waist in a securing manner (because a drunken man may cause a mess with flailing limbs).

"Hey," Naruto says again with a cunning smile. "I know you!"

"Hm," Sasuke responds – he knows that alcohol makes his boyfriend even_ more annoying_.

"I know you, because I…" Naruto leans his head on Sasuke's shoulder, his eyes slipping shut. Sasuke scowls, because the moron is heavy and Sasuke wants to know _why_. "…because I luuuurve you!"

It is with a smirk that Sasuke stands up; his arms still keeping a firm lock on the slightly smaller man, and drag them both to the bedroom. It is because he can't say it with words, it is because of that. That is why he wants to show his love for (the drunken, stupid and annoying) Naruto.

* * *

**April 3****, 2009**

It is cold and Sasuke closes his eyes. It is a year since the death of Jiraiya. It is a year since Naruto cried and cried and cried such crystal tears because Jiraiya had fallen into eternal sleep. It is a year ago, and Sasuke remembers clearly that they hadn't attended a funeral. They never did go there to pay their respects, but everyone already knew, and Jiraiya's friends cried (not only because of his death, but also because of the blond boy that has grown into a fine man).

He didn't know why, because Naruto was strong, but he never questions it. Whatever reason Naruto had for not going to the funeral isn't important. It doesn't matter to Sasuke, because they are in their own little world. It's their own little world where no one else can reach them, touch them, see them.

They are all alone, bare and naked and innocent (no, not innocent, because look at those dirty cornflower blue eyes. Not innocent, look at that pale little smirk!)

They are alone, and it is fine, because this is the world they have created. This is the world they desperately craves and longs for. They feel at home because, because, because...

...Sasuke is shivering still from the little walk he took half an hour ago.

...Naruto is warm, warm and warm and he hugs Sasuke so closely.

They aren't too touchy-feely when others can see, but they are all alone, and here they can touch. Sasuke wants to touch _what is rightfully his_ and Naruto wants to show his affection (his drunken slurs doesn't count, they really don't). Sometimes, their touches are awkward. Sometimes, their touches are hurried.

Pleasant, cold, slow, warm, lazy, satisfying.

And Sasuke is cold because it is raining outside, and Naruto pulls him by the tie around his neck. He pulls him in the right direction, and Sasuke follows quietly – he is promised warmth wherever they are heading.

They are heading towards the shower, and Naruto is the one who undresses them both. Sasuke feels drenched in cold water, it pours flax blue rain outside, and he doesn't want to move. Naruto undresses him clumsily – for Naruto can be rather clumsy – and grins mischievously because he is glad to hold the reins.

Wet clothes falls to the bathroom floor and Naruto puts a warm hand on Sasuke's naked back, pushing him inside of the shower. Sasuke doesn't turn on the water and instead watches as Naruto gets out of his clothes. Naruto, who hasn't been to work today (it's the wrong day), is dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt that once belonged to Jiraiya.

The over-sized t-shirt with the colours of cherry red and olive green falls to the floor. Dark eyes watch as Naruto pretends that it doesn't matter. Naruto pretends not to feel anything when the big clothing falls to the floor on top of Sasuke's wet clothes.

"It doesn't matter," Naruto assures, but it does, and they both know it.

Sasuke feels a strange urge to pick it up, fold it and put it somewhere else. He knows that there is something faint, faint; faint there for Naruto to smell. Something that reminds Naruto of Jiraiya, the old times and how he was raised by the man that was never really there. He doesn't succumb to the urge, and instead puts his hands on Naruto's chest.

They stand naked in the stark light, no water raining over them just yet. Sasuke's hands are pale compared to the healthy shade on Naruto's skin. Slowly, slowly, beautifully, Sasuke's hands caress upwards. He runs his hands up Naruto's chest and shoulders, over the throat that he loves to kiss, and up to cup scarred cheeks. Naruto doesn't smile, because this day is just so wrong, wrong, wrong–

–and not even their own little world can push the wrong day out.

* * *

**May 4, 2009**

"Finally, I thought you'd never show up!"

Ino smiles and waves for Naruto to sit down. They are in her tiny apartment, squeezing themselves together on the couch. It is a comfortable, vermillion couch made for three, but they are four. The fifth has now shown up, blond hair in every direction from the evening wind. It is already dark outside, and Sasuke watches without expression as Naruto sits down on the armrest next to Lee.

"We didn't start the movie without you," Sakura proudly says, because she tends to get impatient and start without whoever is missing.

"That's only because I brought the popcorn!" Naruto protests loudly, accusation in his happy voice. He throws the bag to Ino, who hops up from her seat next to Sasuke. Cornflower blue eyes narrows at the opening, and the young man presses himself down between Sakura and his lover. "Hi there, snuggle-muffin," Naruto teases.

Sasuke leans forward, his lips moving against Naruto's ear as he quietly teases back, "hi, buttercup."

"Buttercup?" Naruto repeats with a frown. "Now, that's only degrading!"

"And snuggle-muffin isn't?" Sasuke is calm when he says this, and he shows no emotion through voice or facial expressions – they aren't alone, they aren't alone and their barriers and images are to be upheld.

There is no more teasing when Ino comes back, putting the bowl of newly popped popcorn on the messy coffee table. She makes an ugly face when she notices that buttercup has taken her seat. With a not-so-feminine huff, she grabs a pillow and sits between the coffee table and the couch. There on the floor, between Naruto's legs, she feels at home.

There is a part of Sasuke that says, _oh no, that's_ my _place_, because he is a territorial being. Another part is yelling: 'the image, the image; keep up those walls, sir!' He knows which one to trust, so he leans back and puts an arm around his homosexual boyfriend. Ino giggles at something Sakura says, and Lee declares something loudly, but Sasuke isn't listening to them.

He can feel blue eyes resting on his face, watching his profile, and it feels good. He feels superior when Lee asks: "Sasuke, may I ask what those utterly confusing numbers mean?"

Sasuke's dark eyes flick from the green-clad man to the TV, where numbers are playing out as an introduction to the movie. "It's a code," he answers. "It'll be explained later."

Naruto is focusing on the numbers, Sasuke notices, and he thinks and knows that Naruto never was good with those.

There is thinking done when Sasuke pretends to watch the movie. He has seen it once before, and he can live without seeing it again. So, instead, he thinks. There is dramatic music on the television and Sasuke is stuck in a vicious cycle.

There is the envy of the cute relationship Lee has with Sakura. He wonders what it would be like, to be together with someone who is as feminine, considerate and kind as pretty Sakura. He then glances at Naruto, who is eating at a kernel with tiny-tiny-tiny bites, and he remembers. He doesn't appreciate weakness, and Naruto is strong, no matter how stupid it looks when he is playing with the popcorn. Sasuke thinks that no one would look sane when eating popcorn like that, taking as big bites as a hamster would.

"What?" Naruto asks when he sees Sasuke's dark eyes on him. "Got something in my face?"

Sasuke doesn't answer the stupid question, so Naruto runs his hands over his face to check for popcorn or anything of the sorts. While the blond man is distracted, Sasuke sneaks an arm around Naruto's shoulders. It doesn't go unnoticed, but no one speaks of it.

Naruto smiles at him mischievously, discreetly putting his hand on Sasuke's thigh. And Sasuke remembers that this man (this man: loud, harsh, violent and stupid) is perfect for him.

* * *

**June 12, 2009**

"You're looking at a winner."

Sasuke blinks once, twice, trying to understand why Naruto would be a winner. Dark eyes look over a blond head, mockingly searching for someone else in the kitchen. Naruto notices this, and lets out an annoyed grunt.

"I won the tennis tournament!"

"Really now?"

"You should've been there," Naruto complains and aims a half-hearted kick to Sasuke's shin. Sasuke doesn't even bother to move, instead letting the boot-clad foot connect with his leg. It doesn't hurt, and he shrugs when Naruto pouts. "Kiba and I were so awesome you wouldn't believe it!"

"I don't," Sasuke agrees.

Inside, he thinks that Kiba and Naruto probably did really good. Kiba is good at most sports, and so is Naruto – neither man likes to loose. Sasuke doesn't say anything when Naruto grumbles and disappears to take another shower. Sasuke sighs and follows, leaving his laptop open.

Naruto likes attention. It is common fact. It is also common fact that there is only one thing Naruto loves more. That is _Sasuke's attention_. So Sasuke feels like a stubborn ass now when Naruto locks the bathroom door in his face. Annoyance is threatening to surface, but Sasuke is rather good at picking locks – Naruto taught him a while ago.

So he picks the lock and tries to convince himself that he couldn't go to the tournament because of work. He tries and tries and tries, but he knows that it won't work because it isn't true. He could have skipped work, as he is doing now. He didn't. He wouldn't. Because of Kiba.

One should think that Sasuke should have gone to the tournament because of the Inuzuka's presence, but Sasuke doesn't think that way. He trusts Naruto, because he remembers _we're over now_, and he blames work because he wants to show trust.

Naruto is already naked and in the shower when Sasuke enters. Shedding his clothes quickly, Sasuke pushes the shower door open to join his lover. "Hey," he says lowly when Naruto looks up.

"You didn't seem me win," Naruto whines. Sasuke shrugs, his hair slowly becoming wet under the spray of warm water. "You asshole… Since when do you take work home, huh?"

"Babe," Sasuke tries. He wants to call Naruto _babe_ too, but the nickname is ruined. Blue eyes stare at him, water raining beautifully over them. It's warm and Sasuke enjoys it over his tired muscles. He doesn't take work home often. It isn't a habit; it isn't what he wants to do when he comes home. "Babe," he says again, tasting the word on his tongue.

It would have suited so perfectly… It would have tasted so good…

It doesn't, and Sasuke refrains from spitting on the floor. He tries something else, "honey," but it sounds weird. Naruto isn't honey. Naruto is more of a babe – hot, sexy, gorgeous. He isn't honey, not sweet or cute. Naruto is rather manly, with fair hair on his legs and arms, and he is handsome, but in another way than Sasuke.

"No, Sasuke, no…"

"I want to," Sasuke whispers lowly. He wants to, wants to, wants… He wants to call Naruto something else than 'buttercup'. He wants to call Naruto something else in a serious way, without whispering and keeping it hush-hush. A nickname that tastes good. In the same way Kiba says Babe instead of Naruto.

"But, Sasuke…"

"I want to," Sasuke repeats.

However, neither can figure out a nickname that fits Naruto perfectly in the same way Kiba says Babe, babe, babe, babe…

"I want…"

* * *

**June 26, 2009**

They are thinking of moving. It began as a brief thought, but now it won't leave Sasuke's mind. No, the young Uchiha has been thinking of moving for a week now. It just won't leave him alone.

It doesn't matter, because he knows that Naruto is thinking-thinking-thinking too. They are thinking of moving because it would be a nice change. They are thinking of moving because it would be a nice way to pass time.

"Here, here, Sasuke, here!"_ I want to live here, Sasuke! _

He walks into the living room, finding Naruto with Sasuke's work laptop in his lap. At any other time, Sasuke would have found it annoying that the younger man had taken it without asking for permission. A part of him knows that it is his own fault – how could he be so stupid to tell Naruto the password?

"Look, c'mon, Sasuke."

Sasuke knows that Naruto is eager, because otherwise his name (Sasuke, Sasuke, nngh-yes-Sasuke) wouldn't be used so carelessly. Otherwise, it would be bastard, asshole, jerk-face. "What?"

"Isn't this place awesome?"

Sasuke sits down in the comfortable couch next to his boyfriend, discreetly leaning closer and burying his nose in blond hair. Naruto must have run out of shampoo, he thinks, because the blond strands are scented with vanilla, which is a tell-tale sign that Naruto has used Sasuke's shampoo. It is a smirk that creeps onto Sasuke's face, because he knows how _gay_ the blond man thinks the vanilla scent is.

"You aren't looking, fucktard!"

Sasuke grunts at the name, his dark eyes scanning the screen in Naruto's lap. Naruto wants a bigger place, Sasuke realises. Perhaps because this apartment is keeping them cooped up. There are pictures of a kitchen, a living room and a bathroom. The kitchen is bigger than the one they have now, this has Victorian rose walls and granite counters. The living room is brighter than their current, with walls so peppermint. The bathroom is also bigger, with a tub as well. It is surprisingly tasteful without becoming too feminine, Sasuke thinks and–

"Look at the _bedroom_."

Moreover, Sasuke almost gags at the horrific colour on the walls, butterscotch and orange. He scrunches his nose, and thinks that this is awful, awful, awful. He doesn't want to have sex in such a room. "It's disgusting," he admits.

"Hey! It is _not_!" Naruto clicks on another link, and the view of a balcony appears. The busy city of Konoha is displayed, and Sasuke likes it. He can picture Naruto sitting there with his cigarette, looking so alive and gorgeous staring out over the city. "Heh, I knew you'd like it."

Sasuke snorts, but he doesn't protest. Instead, he puts his arm around Naruto's shoulders and leans in. His lips are dry against Naruto's, and the other tilts his head slightly. The kiss is simple and affectionate, showing that they can take their world with them if they ever choose to move.

* * *

**July 3, 2009 **

"Sasuke? …Sasuke? Sasuke!"

Sasuke growls in aggravation at the loud voice, but he doesn't bother to answer. He continues to put the plates and chinaware in bubble wrap. He hasn't gotten very far, since he started only a few hours ago. Naruto had been gone when he woke up, which Sasuke is still finding annoying.

"Sasu– what are you doing?"

"Moving."

Naruto's facial expressions are almost hilarious, but Sasuke doesn't smile when blue eyes widens in shock and fear. 'Leaving, leaving, leaving, he's leaving,' Naruto is thinking. Then Sasuke smirks, allowing peace to settle in his lover's mind again.

"I bought the place."

Naruto scowls, this time thinking 'what place, bought what?'

Sasuke puts down his favourite fern-coloured cup, leaning against the counter and waiting for Naruto to understand. It takes awhile, as it always does when Naruto is baffled and confused. Then, it hits the blond man in a way that probably scares anyone within hearing range. Their neighbours will most likely be celebrating when they leave, Sasuke thinks, because Naruto is so_ fucking_ loud.

"_Eh_? Really?"

Sasuke finds himself with an armful of blond stupidity half a second later, with Naruto's arms around his neck and long legs around his waist. Naruto is laughing, his head thrown back as pale lips brushes over his bronze skin.

"Oh my God, we're really moving? Sasuke, you ass! You scared me to death!"

Sasuke chuckles lowly as chartreuse warmth settles in his abdomen. It feels good, with Naruto's cheerful laughter bouncing against the walls. Sasuke can't help but place kisses over the neck that his exposed, and he uses all of his concentration to hold Naruto steadily. He feels so good – he has done something right, something right-right-right–

"Sasuke," Naruto whispers huskily. Their lips meet, and the moans that come from Naruto's throat are rewarded with tongue. Once they part, the slightly smaller of the two continues, "Sasuke… you're so sexy when you buy things…"

Sasuke can feel Naruto's arousal against his stomach, so he doesn't doubt the sincere words.

"…so sexy doing things on a whim…"

So Sasuke shows just how sexy he can be. There on the kitchen floor, with Naruto practically passing out from the pleasure and attention he is given. He rewards Sasuke with his loud bedroom-voice, and he makes sure that the neighbours will have something to remember them by, receiving all the sexiness that is Sasuke there on the kitchen floor.

* * *

**July 8, 2009**

It is as if they are moving in together for the first time again. They are sending each other looks with red, yellow and green, both surprisingly happy with their new home. At first, Naruto complains about the girly kitchen, but Sasuke only shoves his boyfriend out on the balcony with a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. Once a cig is consumed, Naruto doesn't even notice the Victorian rose.

It is almost funny to unpack, because there isn't any place dedicated for anything, and they both lift the couch to move it from wall to wall in the living room. It is exciting to put everything in place, because nothing is wrong or right.

Currently, Sasuke is standing in the doorframe to the kitchen. He is leaning against it, his dark eyes watching amusedly as Naruto tries to find the cabinet where they put the glasses and cups. Blue eyes are narrowed and the pink tip of a tongue is peeking out in concentration. Naruto is too into his search to even notice that the clock had turned five in the afternoon, and that Sasuke was home.

Naruto's clothing made Sasuke snort, but not even then was he noticed. The shorts were orange and instead of wearing one of his usual baggy t-shirts, Naruto had put on one of Sasuke's. More often than not, Naruto refrains from using his lover's clothes. Sasuke knows that it is because Naruto hates admitting that Sasuke is more muscular and taller.

"Fucking, goddamn glasses!"

"Tsk, tsk… Language, moron."

"Eh?" Naruto turns around at the voice. "Oh, hi."

Instead of asking Sasuke where the cups are, Naruto continues his search. Sasuke doesn't mind, and he leans quietly against the doorframe and continues to watch his lover scramble around with a satisfied smirk on his face.

* * *

**August 13, 2009**

"Don't touch me."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

They are in Sakura's and Lee's apartment. Sasuke is in the hall, trying to find his shoes in the mess that had been created when all the others arrived. He can feel blue eyes bore into his back, but he doesn't turn, oh no. He is angry, angry and angry. He isn't going to turn around and surrender, but when a warm hand reaches out to grab his shoulder, he can't help it.

"Don't touch me," he snarls.

Blue eyes narrows dangerously, daring him to leave. "You fucking bastard, get back in there and _apologise_."

Sasuke doesn't even dignify the other with a reply, instead shrugging the hand off of him. He is just about to reach out for his shoes when Naruto once again tries to reach out. With an annoyed grumble, Sasuke swats the hand away. He picks up the shoes, but they are easily forgotten when Naruto speaks,

"You are such a fucking _coward_."

There is too much pride and testosterone in their fights, really. This is evident when Sasuke shoves Naruto into the wall with too much strength. Naruto grunts when his head connects with the wall. He puts his hands on the other's hard chest – if it is in an attempt to push the other off or if it is to keep himself upright, neither knows.

It is in this position that Sakura finds them, with Naruto clinging to Sasuke, trapped against the wall. Her emerald eyes widen in shock and fear, and the gasp that leaves her mouth irritates Sasuke. He wants her to fuck off and keep her nose out of their business. It is their business, their problem, _their world_.

"Are you guys– oh my, fuck, Sasuke!"

Sakura growls and tries to push the tall man away from Naruto. Once she succeeds, Sasuke reaches out for his shoes. He wants-needs to get out of there before Naruto demands him to apologise again. He won't. Sasuke doesn't stop in his actions until a shriek tears itself from Sakura's throat.

"Ambulance, call an ambulance!"

Sasuke doesn't really know what to say, but his uncertainty doesn't show. Instead, he is the one that looks indifferent and cool when the others arrive to the hall with panic and surprise. He stares as Sakura demands for someone to call an ambulance, Naruto unconscious in her arms. There is only one, one, one thought in his mind, and it is stuck on replay, because it is repeating and repeating over and over.

What happened?

He doesn't know what to answer the others, so instead he keeps quiet and listens when Shikamaru calmly tells the address of their location to the emergency central. Kiba and Sakura are the loudest, and Sasuke's earlier insults are forgotten. Not even Kiba, who usually would have demanded an apology for being called moronic, unattractive and foul-smelling, is thinking of Sasuke's hurtful words.

Naruto is the centre of attention, and Sasuke just stands there.

"He hit his head in the shelf there, and then he fell to the floor," Sakura says when the paramedics arrive. "Careful, he might have a concussion – he's bleeding too!"

She receives dark glares from the paramedics, because even though she is a doctor, they know this too. Sasuke scowls when they ask which one would like to ride the ambulance straight to the hospital with them. He doesn't speak up, so Sakura is quick to pick up the offer. He watches as she leaves, sending a dark glare to Sasuke.

He is left in the hall to fend for himself once Naruto is carried away and Sakura follows. The others look dumbfounded, clueless and shocked. Even Shikamaru looks a little thrown off, his chocolate brown eyes following every movement with startled analyses.

It is with firm steps that Sasuke leaves the apartment, his pride wounded and worry burning in his chest.

* * *

**September 1, 2009**

"Hi there, gorgeous. Come here often?"

Sasuke looks up at the happy face of Naruto. He isn't as surprised as he was the first time Naruto showed up at the bar. Sasuke then returns to staring down in the auburn liquid in the thin, crystal glass. He doesn't want tonight to be any different from the other times when Naruto has _visited_ him at the bar – but when the younger man speaks in such a strange tone, Sasuke knows that tonight will be different.

"Sasuke, come home with me. This is getting ridiculous."

Naruto's voice is registered, but the words aren't. Sasuke doesn't, doesn't, doesn't want to hear. He doesn't want to listen at all, but when the beautiful blond man sits down next to him, it is impossible to push the other away. They are stuck together, sitting on leather barstools, in the dim bar that Sasuke has been visiting for about three weeks now.

"Come home," Naruto repeats with a tinge of desperate happiness.

His warm hands are on Sasuke's jacket, gripping and yanking to get a reaction out of the other. It is with a sigh that Sasuke uses his free hand to down the drink, wondering how dizzy and buzzed he will feel when he gets up.

"Let's forget it, right? Come home and forget it, it's getting late."

It is a Saturday and there are a lot of people _everywhere_, despite the late hour. Sasuke knows, in the back of his mind, that they should both get home before the crowd gets rowdy and dangerous. He knows that he is too drunk to defend himself and Naruto, should the latter get in another fight.

"Come home, you ass. I miss you." These words are whispered near his ear, lips caressing his ear shell, and Naruto chuckles when Sasuke slowly stands up to satisfy the other. He has missed Naruto as well, and since Naruto's voice sounds so different and foreign, Sasuke drunkenly follows.

They walk outside, and there is a cab waiting. Sasuke can tell that Naruto knew that they would go home together tonight. The cab is warm, and Naruto mumbles the address of their new home, their new world, their new place. Sasuke snorts, because he likes hearing Naruto say that. He smirks when the blond man looks at him, relief in cornflower blue eyes. Sasuke leans forward to bury his face in golden hair, and Naruto allows him to, even though he has been hiding enough as it was.

"Hey, cabbie, do you mind if I smoke?"

The cab driver grunts, murmuring something about the window. Sasuke only inhales the scent of Naruto's shampoo when the window is opened and the pack of cigarettes is brought up. Tonight, Sasuke doesn't mind when Naruto puts one of those cigarettes between his lips and lights it. Tonight, the young Uchiha merely closes his eyes and feels relief and gratefulness emit from his lover.

Tonight, Sasuke still feels guilty. It is unfamiliar and alien, but he keeps it close to his heart even though Naruto has already forgiven him. Sasuke thinks that Naruto may have forgiven him, but he knows that it won't be official until he apologises in one way or another. It won't happen tonight, and Sasuke frowns with his eyes still closed, because he is too drunk and Naruto wants to spend the night on the balcony with his cigarettes.

* * *

**Septem****ber 4, 2009**

The living room is bright when Sasuke wakes up in the couch. It is early morning, and there is frost on the big windows. Sasuke likes it, but his toes are cold and his nose is red from the chill. The only part of him that is warm is his lap. Almost black eyes glance down to see a blond head there, and the fingers on his right hand are warm because they are entwined in the strands. The sofa is comfortable, even though he is sitting up, and he doesn't want to leave.

Instead, he reaches out for the remote control. The television is still on from last night, but it is something different playing now. The news – horrible, horrible news, where people die and people do dumb things. Naruto hates the news, but Sasuke watches it every day. He wants to know what is going on, because he wants some sort of control. He doesn't know what is going on inside of Naruto's head.

Some days, he wants to know. Other days, he wants to close his eyes and pretend that Naruto doesn't remember what happened the thirteenth of August. They both remember, and whether Naruto wants it or not, there is something different between them. It is the unspoken apology, the concussion and the still bad relation between Sasuke and Kiba that is haunting. It isn't Naruto who has changed.

Sasuke doesn't touch. Sasuke doesn't tease. Sasuke doesn't speak. Sasuke doesn't-doesn't-doesn't.

They both know this, but neither acknowledges it. It is embarrassing – Sasuke doesn't dare to _come close_. Sasuke doesn't dare to _take the initiative_. So Naruto stays close, but Sasuke walks away. So Naruto takes the initiative, but Sasuke walks away. Sasuke walks away, to the pub. He comes home late for the couch.

Therefore, Naruto's head in his lap is a surprise. Not perhaps unpleasant, but a surprise nonetheless.

The younger man moves, and Sasuke removes his hand. He shouldn't-couldn't-wouldn't be touching Naruto. It had ended in a hospital visit last time, so what said that it wouldn't the next? Sasuke is already hated enough as it was by Naruto's friends. However, there isn't hatred in cornflower blue eyes when they look up at him.

Sasuke has no hatred in store for his boyfriend either. So it is a harmless moment they share, where both try to figure out what to say-do-don't-see. Naruto speaks and moves first, as most of the time lately. He looks determined when he speaks, and Sasuke doesn't want to hear.

"I need a smoke." Naruto sits up and gets off the couch without another sound. He grabs the package of cigarettes and walks towards the door that leads to the balcony. "Join me, Sasuke."

(Nngh-Sasuke-God-please-aahh-Sasu-more.) Sasuke follows, and it is rather cold outside. There is an icy breeze, but Sasuke is still wearing his suit jacket. Naruto is only wearing a pair of pyjama pants and a band t-shirt with some local artist. The fair hairs on Naruto's lanky arms are standing to attention, but the nicotine-addict doesn't seem to care when he introduces his mouth with the lit cigarette. Sasuke sits down with the other, on the right side so that the smoke won't blow at him.

"Can't you just…just…" Naruto closes his eyes and sucks on the cigarette so eagerly that his scarred cheeks become hollows. The cheekbones are still rather evident when the smoke is blown out, the hand that is holding the cig shaking slightly. Sasuke knows that Naruto prefers summer, warmth and sun. It's cold. _Sasuke is cold. _"Just come home after-after work, you fucking dickwad. I need– _want_ you here."

Black hair is getting into his eyes, and Sasuke wants to say something. Naruto speaks first and Sasuke forgets what he wants to say.

"I love you, you asshole. It was _an accident_. Even Kiba knows that you'd never hurt me, right? Sasuke, are you even listening?"

Sasuke nods, because he hears and he listens but he doesn't really understand. He doesn't really; really grasp what the other is saying. (I need you to be at home with me. Stay with me. Love me. Come home to me, sober. I forgive you, please, sorry.) He hears the words – he listens – but he doesn't quite understand what Naruto means by that. There is no logic in that statement.

"You'd never hurt me, you bastard."

"But I already did."

* * *

**September 23, 2009**

Sasuke goes to Suigetsu. He doesn't say anything; neither does Suigetsu, but they sit there. Suigetsu's kitchen has Saxe blue walls and wriggly chairs around the kitchen table. There are carafes on every single table in the apartment, on every counter, and Sasuke stares at the one in front of him with false fascination. Suigetsu takes a sip of water, and his eyes never leave his friend's form.

They are quiet and Sasuke feels dead. He's dead-dead-dead-dead like Suigetsu's brother (_like his own brother_) and he isn't sure if he deserves to live. Why would he continue living now, when everything was going down (down, down, downhill) and Sasuke couldn't control _it_? It, being himself, because he can't – he really can't – control his thoughts and will.

He thinks and he wants. He wants to think and he thinks to want. He thinks about Naruto and he wants to live (but he is dead and Naruto doesn't know CPR). He wants Naruto and he thinks that he is dead for a reason. To protect, because he couldn't do so when he was alive. To protect, because that is what he promised (himself. Naruto).

"C'mon, man, did you fight or something? I have whisky, if that'll loosen you up."

Sasuke grunts, and Suigetsu stands to get the alcohol.

Later, Sasuke slurs lowly. His words are few and drawled – it is almost impossible to tell that he is drunk, but Suigetsu knows – and Suigetsu understands. The words of love and fear aren't present, but Suigetsu knows that Sasuke is feeling exactly what he himself felt around this time last year.

Sasuke drinks some more, and Suigetsu leaves him there by the kitchen table when the Uchiha falls asleep.

* * *

**September 27, 2009**

There is determination in Sasuke's dark eyes, and he is breathing steadily through his nose. If one looked close, perhaps they would notice that the black hair was styled and that the clothes were new. He is holding a cake. The cake is newly baked and there is an orange marzipan rose on the top. (There is no text on the cake, but it is the gesture behind it that speaks.)

He is standing outside the apartment that he and Naruto bought back in July. It is home now, even though Sasuke haven't been there for a few days. He hasn't been in the bedroom for weeks. He has been sleeping on the couch for too long now. He wants Naruto back.

It is with this that he opens the door – because he does deserve Naruto.

He deserves Naruto, because it was a misunderstanding-misstep-misjudgement on his part. He hadn't meant to hurt and break. He didn't. He wished for Naruto to be healthy and whole, for Naruto to be by his side and say _stupid shit_. Stupid shit like, like, like, like–

"Welcome home, bastard."

Sasuke almost lets go of the cake, but it was such a hassle to get it right ("I said orange rose, _orange_!") and he knows that they will need it later when they run out of words to say.

"I've missed you," Naruto continues and there is worry-relief-sadness-anger in his voice. "You fucking piece of shit, I've missed you so much."

Sasuke smirks, because he too is worried-relieved-sad-angry. "I bet you did, moron."

Cornflower blue eyes are narrowed, but they are wet and more oceanic now than ever. "If you're turning into an alcoholic, I'm letting Kiba hold the intervention."

It was too soon for jokes, so Sasuke nodded slowly. Naruto wasn't joking. They stood still in the hall, and suddenly it was awkward and new and terrifying, because… Sasuke was afraid (what would he do? How could he hurt) and Naruto was afraid (will he run away? Please, God, make him stay). God heard him, because Sasuke took a step forward. The pink carton in his hands was offered to the blond, and there was silent understanding.

Naruto smiled (he saw the extra time Sasuke had put on his hair, he didn't recognise the new outfit) and he nodded for his boyfriend to follow inside. They are both dead, in one way or another, because Sasuke has been gone for too long. He was five minutes away, at a bar. He was five minutes away, but Naruto couldn't reach him. He just couldn't _reach _him.

They sit on the balcony. Smoke is swirling from the ceramic ashtray, and the cake is untouched. Konoha his loud, but all Sasuke can hear is Naruto's ragged breathing. The younger man looks tired, as if he hasn't slept or eaten during Sasuke's stay at Suigetsu's.

"Naruto…" He doesn't speak further, but Naruto can see (hear, feel) what the other is trying to say. He immediately pulls at his sweater, as if trying to hide what Sasuke has already seen. "Naru…"

There isn't much they can do, but when Naruto smile at Sasuke's worry-relief-sadness-anger, they both know that it is going to be all right.

* * *

**October 10, 2009**

"Aahh-ahh…" Naruto throws his head back, his eyes are clenched closed. Sasuke leans close, supporting himself on his elbows so that he won't crush the man under him. It is early morning and neither is fully awake just yet. Naruto is only aware of the bliss (of Sasuke's cock in his ass). "Uhh-nngh…"

Naruto fights to breathe, and he claws on Sasuke's back for more. He wants it now, he wants it here, he wants it faster. His long legs are wrapped around the Uchiha's pale waist, and his mouth is wide open as he struggles for a deeper breath. There is a moan when Sasuke's penis sinks further inside of him, and he loves how _hard_ it feels against his inner walls.

"Y-yeah, yeah." Naruto's tone is encouraging, and Sasuke moves his pelvic with flawless precision. "Sa-Sasu…"

The headboard of their bed slams against the wall, and Sasuke bites his lower lip at the rhythmic sound. At their old apartment this hadn't been possible, where the cat lady next door had come to complain about their loud adventures in bed – only here, where the bedroom isn't connected with another apartment, Sasuke is determined to make the bed creak and slam.

Their minds are nothing but goo – pleasured, pleasured, pleasured goo. Sasuke moves and there is more satisfaction. Naruto is on his back, receiving, and he loves it so. Sasuke is on his elbows and knees, giving, and he loves it even more. There is sweat on their bodies, running over pale and caramel, down on their ruby sheets. Naruto can't form a coherent thought, and his words are jumbled together. Sasuke loves to hear it, and the tip of his erection is leaking within his boyfriend.

"Happy… birthday…"

Sasuke doesn't pause in his movements as he places a sloppy kiss on Naruto's neck. They both need to shave, but the stubble on Naruto's chin is a lovely texture and Sasuke kisses it some more. There is a frown on his pale, sweaty face when Naruto gasps for air as if this is their first time together. He tries to move faster, faster, faster, because Naruto is close now.

Sasuke is close, Naruto is close, and together, they are going to reach heaven. This time, it is perfect.

And Naruto gasps.

* * *

**November 2, 2009**

They are at the grocery store, but Sasuke's mind is elsewhere. His arm is around Naruto's shoulders, his free hand on the cart as he steers it forward. They are in the isle with candy, because Ino is coming tonight. Sasuke is far away, not really in the mood for grocery shopping a late Monday afternoon. He hasn't even had dinner yet, and there are work-related thoughts in his mind.

"Go get the ice cream," Naruto orders as he snatches a bag from one of the shelves. He looks at the red bag, reading what kind of caramels hides in the wrapper. After careful consideration, he grabs another one to throw in the cart. Sasuke watches quietly. "Oh, and condoms. Condoms, ice cream – hurry up, asshole. Ino and Sakura-chan will be over in twenty minutes."

Sasuke frowns – he doesn't know where the ice cream is in this new grocery store. He has only been here once before, during their first week in the new neighbourhood. Naruto looks oddly thoughtful when he chooses candy, but for a girl with heartbreak, Naruto will take extra long to find her _the _right candy.

"We don't need condoms," Sasuke mutters. He doesn't remove his arm from Naruto's shoulders. The blond man chuckles at the comment, nodding his head slowly and looking up from the new pack of candy in his hand.

"Yes, we _do_, so stop acting like a fourteen-year-old telling me that you can't feel anything with it." Naruto grins and winks before taking the cart and disappearing around the corner. Sasuke stands still, a scowl on his face as he goes to find ice cream and condoms.

He puts his hands in his pockets and leisurely walks through the isles. As he finds the ice cream, he also finds a new problem. There is too much ice cream to choose between, and never has Sasuke taken notice as to which one is Ino's favourite. Is it chocolate, vanilla – perhaps something with nuts in, or strawberry? Sasuke is lost where he stands, frustration in every inch of his body.

"The pear one."

Sasuke almost flinches when Naruto is by his side, breathing heavily, and Sasuke guesses that his boyfriend raced through the little store with the cart. The blond reaches out and takes it down, but his blue eyes are on Sasuke. _How can you not know?_ Sasuke doesn't know what to say. He just doesn't care what Ino eats when she has, yet again, been dumped. He cares about Naruto's morning Lattes, about Naruto's cake-sanctuary, about Naruto.

(He doesn't want to know what Naruto eats when he has been dumped.)

"C'mon, condoms and then home. If the guy was nice enough about it, we might be able to use them tonight." Naruto lets Sasuke take the cart as he rubs his hands over his face, trying not to think of Ino's misfortune. "I need a smoke. Can't you take care of this, hot stuff?"

Sasuke snorts, but he accepts to take care of the groceries. Naruto kisses him, it is wet and warm, and the young Uchiha lets go of the cart in order to wrap his arms around the other's waist. Naruto's hands are in his hair, causing chaos, tugging to bring him closer. The kiss isn't sweet, but it is loving. The kiss isn't careful or gentle, but it is as appropriate as they can keep it in a grocery store.

"Mm… Sasuke," Naruto whispers as he pulls back. There is a smile, and Sasuke's grip tightens around Naruto's stomach. "I love you."

"In the middle of the grocery store?" Sasuke questions, his lips mere millimetres from Naruto's. There is a light laugh coming from Naruto, and the blond man responds honestly,

"I love you…in the middle of the grocery store."

They do…

…love each other in the middle of the grocery store.

Sasuke steals another kiss, but he can tell that his lover is restless for a cigarette. (So his hands drop to his sides, and he grabs the cart with groceries, because Naruto the nicotine-whore needs a cigarette.) Naruto offers a last smile before disappearing among the small crowd by the cash register.

* * *

**December 14, 2009**

Naruto is biting on the inside of his cheek. Sasuke can see it clearly, how cornflower blue tries to focus. He also sees how Naruto's chest is heaving up and down in an irregular pattern. Sasuke sees all this and he knows that he needs to calm his boyfriend.

Sasuke smirks and puts an arm around Naruto's shoulders. It is time for the first treatment now, but the hospital room isn't as scary anymore. Sasuke asks, "Do I look scared?"

"No…"

It hurts inside and Sasuke hides his shaking hands. "It's going to be okay."

* * *

**November 17, 2009**

"This. Is. Paradise."

Sasuke snorts, but he does agree deep down. They are both tired, tired, tired after the rock climbing they did with Karin and Juugo today. Tired enough to just sit down in the living room, trying to get used to the new bright walls, but feeling familiar and cosy in their old sofa.

"Really, it can't get any better than this, Sasuke. Right, Sasuke?"

Naruto wants an answer, but Sasuke merely grunts in reply. It isn't as enthusiastic as Naruto perhaps wishes, but he knows better than to hope for a full-blown sentence. Therefore, he opens his mouth wide to eat and lap at the whipped cream on top of his warm latte. There is a vague hint of cinnamon, and cornflower blue eyes glances towards Sasuke because, because, because the Uchiha did it for him.

Sasuke doesn't look back. He knows that his boyfriend is watching, but he pretends to be busy with his crossword. In reality, every single square was filled with a letter – it was finished, done, completed – but he couldn't bring himself to look at the other. What would he see? Fear of getting thrown into a wall? Fear of getting abused, left out?

(Gratefulness, bastard, gratefulness! You made me _coffee_, see.)

He didn't look, but he drank baobab tea from his fern-coloured cup.

"Do you think we can rent a movie? You know, the new one with that funny guy, arrgh… what was his name? Sasuke? Sasuke. Hey, you there?"

"I hear you, dear."

Sasuke can't help the sarcasm that laces his words. It is defence at its finest, and Sasuke can't _help it_. He can't help but wish (but he does wish, he wishes so badly) that he would be able to call Naruto something. Something else than… _moron_.

"Wow, sounded like that hurt. Stud, take it easy there, or your tongue might fall off. _I_ know a someone that would miss it _immensely_."

The young Uchiha looks to his right, because there is mischief in Naruto's voice. There is mischief in Naruto's eyes, mischief in his grin. The latte is forgotten on the table when the blond man leans close to kiss him. Sasuke puts his cup away to put his hands on Naruto's shoulders. There are soon hands in inky black hair, pulling and tugging.

It is almost desperate, but Sasuke doesn't know why.

He kisses deeply. His tongue against Naruto's feels so good, tastes like cream and caffeine. It mixes perfectly with the baobab, and their eyes are closed to savour the moment. Sasuke shifts and Naruto understands perfectly well what he wants. Soon, Sasuke has a piece of desperate blond man in his lap, kissing and pulling in his hair.

It is wonderful, so Sasuke kisses back.

Sometimes, Naruto pulls back to breathe. Sometimes, Sasuke has to buck his hips up to get attention from those wet lips on his, moving over his throat and chin. Naruto's nose bumps against his, but it is nice when the younger man breathes into his mouth and tries to take control. Sasuke lets him, but only because he is busy to sneak his hands downwards, down over Naruto's arching back. He reaches the firm ass, squeezing and groping with his big hands.

Naruto makes a sound, but it isn't a sex sound, no, no. Sasuke frowns into the kiss, his head tilted slightly, and he doesn't want to let go. The kiss is long, wet, breathless and filled with desperation and love. Love that Sasuke wants to swallow and inhale with every fibre of his very being. It is Naruto's love – Naruto's kind of love: unconditional, loyal, warm and devoted.

Naruto is the one to pull back, his breath coming out in short puffs, his hands coming out of black hair to settle on Sasuke's chest. "Stop living in the past, you douche bag. You didn't mean to hurt me."

Sasuke nods and his eyes are burning. There is something burning. He closes his dark eyes, nuzzling his nose against Naruto's ear, letting the other hear how harshly he is breathing as well. Honey, honey, honey, honey.

"Naruto…"

His voice sounds foreign in their ears. He hasn't talked a lot lately. He never did. He doesn't talk enough, and that is the problem. He should talk, talk, talk as they told him when he was young. He can't find it in him, but these words are absolute and so honest that he needs to speak.

"…I love you."

Naruto loves him too, because the breathy chuckle that fans over his pale forehead tells him more than words. Naruto loves him too, because his hands clench and unclench the fabric of Sasuke's shirt.

They both get nervous, trying to hide it with smiles or glares. It is inevitable, because Sasuke can see the affection in Naruto's care-free smile. It is inevitable, because Naruto can tell that Sasuke is only glaring to hide the twitch in his nose. Nervous, as if it is the first time they tell each other (I love you, I need you, I want you, I love you).

They have both lost count on how many times it has been said, even if it perhaps isn't as often as Sakura and Lee tell each other. There is love in their kisses, love in their touches, love in their intercourse. Love in their raw fucking, love in their slow-gentle-caring love-making.

There is love in Naruto's voice when he answers, "I can't live without you."

* * *

**November 29, 2009**

"I just can't leave you alone with any of our friends anymore, can I? You're embarrassing yourself. _Me_."

Sasuke snorts. He reaches out and gets a hold of Naruto's hand. He entwines their fingers, they are alone in the kitchen, and the granite counter is cold against the skin on their hands. Naruto snatches his hand back only seconds later, trying to muster an angry face.

Those loveable scars appear darker, plump lips pointing down and cornflower blue eyes narrowing dangerously under slender eyebrows. There is no anger there, despite the scowl. Sasuke can clearly see it – there is disappointment, sadness, frustration. The young Uchiha feels like an ignorant child, and he reacts furiously.

"They insulted _me_," Sasuke clarifies.

"They _questioned_ you. God forbid anyone ever questions the great Uchiha Sasuke. How dare they?" Naruto is sarcastic. He's using sarcasm and Sasuke hates it. It means that he himself can't use it, or they will soon engage in a war of sarcastic snarls. It is silly and immature, both which Sasuke_ isn't_.

"Stop it," he demands. Stop it, stop it, _honey_, stop doing that.

Naruto doesn't stop. His eyes are burning with determination and the fire of will. "Are you crazy? Seriously, Sasuke, you're being ridiculous."

It is funny that people call Naruto stupid, moronic and dense. Sasuke puts a hand on one of the scarred cheeks, caressing down over his throat. "They said…" Sasuke pauses, trying to swallow what Sakura had thrown in his face. "…you've lost weight. I think I'd notice." The last part is a snarl, because, really, Sasuke would notice if his lover suddenly started to loose weight.

Naruto's eyes widens, as if he hadn't heard what Sakura said earlier. Sasuke scowls – what does that face mean, shock-shock-shock? – and he uses all of his famous intelligence to figure it out.

Sasuke would know. He would know if Naruto lost weight; they sleep and shower together. They have sex. It is impossible to hide a major weight loss, because they had sex just last–

"Why?" Sasuke is confused, and he uses the word 'why' with big difficulties. He doesn't want to know, not at all. If it flew by his nose like this, with Naruto never taking off his shirt during sex the last two weeks. How much weight can one lose in a week, Sasuke wonders. His knuckles are turning white when his hands become fists. "_Why_?"

"Stop that. You're just asking for trouble."

Sasuke can't stop. He can't stop the anger that runs through his body. Why, why, why? He is so pissed off that he didn't know what to do. Scared, because he doesn't know what to do with himself, Sasuke clench his jaws together and glares darkly at the other man. Naruto glares right back.

"I have _a cold_, you fucking idiot. I haven't eaten properly or worked out because I've been ill. Perhaps you've been too busy with work to notice, huh?"

Sasuke can't breathe when Naruto says this. He takes a step back, almost backing into the refrigerator. Black, aristocratic eyebrows draw together in a glower. He feels the blame, and he has long since learned that the best defence is attack. Growling out a curse, he grasps Naruto's shoulders and wants to shake, shake, shake, shake until the younger man understands what he is saying.

He doesn't, but he wants to. He doesn't let go, because Naruto's hands are on his, holding him still and pulling him close. "Must you be such a drama queen, Sasuke? Eh?"

"Shut up, moron."

Naruto is warm and his skin is smooth, his hands rubbing up and down Sasuke's muscular arms. It feels good, and they breathe together.

_Oh, honey, you're so warm. Oh_, Sasuke thinks. He is glad that their fight didn't get the chance to escalade, and he is slowly calming down. Coming down from the adrenaline-high anger, Sasuke accepts the kiss that Naruto places on his unshaved jaw. A tan nose rubs against the dark stubble, and blue eyes come close as they stand near in silence. Sasuke embraces the slightly shorter man, and he tries to find calmness.

The tips of his fingers still itches, but he enjoy Naruto's breath against his throat.

"Honey," Sasuke whispers.

Naruto laughs, because he understands. He understands that there is now a new name for him. Not Naruto. Not babe. Honey. Sasuke's honey, honey, honey. Naruto grins, because he likes it, and even thought the moment is_ wrong_, it suits perfectly fine.

Sasuke chuckles, and he is glad. Naruto is warm and smooth, but his smile is gone when he reach up to kiss his friend-lover-boyfriend deeply.

* * *

**December 1, 2009**

"Naruto."

There is no response, and Sasuke keeps a groan to himself. This is the third day that his boyfriend takes too long in the bathroom. This is the third day that Sasuke will be late for work. He doesn't know what Naruto is doing in there, but he guesses that he showers, shaves and gets dressed. Perhaps he touches himself.

"_Naruto_."

The shower is still running, but Sasuke hears that the blond man responds something blurry through the pouring water. The young Uchiha merely shrugs to himself, because Naruto never is very good at articulating in the morning. So he returns to the bedroom, where the orange walls have gone from glaring to warm.

The bed is unmade, but the black-haired man figures that Naruto can take care of it before he leaves. Sasuke really needs to get going now – he hates to be late, he needs to be first there, last one to go. He needs the feeling of control and power: it is the knowledge he bathes in. So he thinks that Naruto only has himself to blame (and he hopes that the other won't yell at him for leaving without a goodbye-kiss, a goodbye-promise).

Sasuke tries not to smile when he leaves, because he promises himself silently 'tonight'. Tonight, he promises, and he knows what he wants to promise. He just hopes that Naruto will stay at work for a few hours extra, as he has done a lot lately, because then he can prepare those kinds of dinners that Lee prepares for Sakura.

Candles, expensive and exotic food, classical music.

Not what Naruto likes, not what Naruto asks for.

Perhaps what Naruto needs, Sasuke thinks, because his lover has been down with a cold for a week now. Tonight, he promises.

* * *

**December 2, 2009**

Suddenly, everything becomes so, so heavy. The air around him – once chilly, because the wind reaches inside of his apartment – is turning into humid warmth. It is unpleasant and everything is so, so_ heavy_. There are sounds, but he can't hear them. His mind is under water, where sharks are making his pulse raise and the temperature is such a salty warm-cold that he doesn't know where the blue begins and the blue ends.

His eyes are open, and the salt water stings, and he doesn't hear what they are yelling from the floor. The telephone is dropped on the tatami mats and the fern-coloured tea cup lies innocently next to it. The porcelain is unharmed; he has time to notice before he fights to get to the surface. His mind is under water and he kicks and kicks. Swimming, he needs to _swim_.

Therefore, he does. He swims to the surface, but it is too fast. It is too fast and he reaches the surface with _decompression sickness_. He is now itching, but his muscles won't obey. There is confusion, and he hopes for memory loss and amnesia, but it won't come. He needs to cough – cough up water, air, desperation – but he is so heavy. Tired and shocked and heavy.

The telephone screams for him at the bottom, circled by sharks and tiny clown fish.

Uchiha Sasuke falls into a state of unconsciousness, slowly sinking down past coral reefs and jelly fish to the murky sand. He lands next to the empty tea cup on the tatami mats.

* * *

**December 3, 2009**

Sasuke is sitting in Sakura's car. The wunderbaum is pink and dingles from the rear-view mirror, but he doesn't care about the strong scent. He is fairly sure that the headache he is sporting doesn't come from a perfumed piece of paperboard. The owner of said car is sitting behind the steering wheel, staring at the heavy traffic before her. Her boyfriend is in the backseat, abnormally quiet, but Sasuke doesn't notice.

They have been stuck in traffic for ten minutes, but they all know that once they turn left now, there won't be as much traffic. It is a normal weekday, in the early morning, when no one has time to go to the ER. Not many turns left, and Sakura is practically begging for a speeding ticket when she turns left and puts her old, worn car to maximum use.

Sasuke isn't wearing a seatbelt, but not even Lee dares to remind him about the dangers.

Sasuke hopes that there will be an accident. He hopes that the car will crash with an ambulance or perhaps just continue into the wall of the hospital. He wants to wake up from this surrealism.

No one speaks and Sakura finds a parking spot only a few metres from the entrance. Her green eyes flicker before she climbs out, and Lee follows. Sasuke stays in the car for two seconds longer – two painful, lonely seconds – but he gets out before anyone notices how alone he feels.

Lee is practically taking three steps at a time, almost jogging through the soggy snow in ugly plimsolls. Sakura's marches forward, and the heterosexual couple is already forgetting about him. Sasuke puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, walking carefully so that he won't slip on a piece of ice.

He isn't sure that he is awake-conscious-alive when he follows the pink-haired woman and her green-cad man. He isn't sure if he can remember their names properly, but he knows that he needs to follow them, just as they are following a nurse now.

They are walking briskly now, and Sasuke has to pick up his pace. It isn't a problem for him, but he wants to keep some form of distance. The nurse keeps sending a nervous look over her shoulder, but she leads them from the ER.

The elevator-ride smells of sweat and anxiety, but it is silent and Sasuke doesn't want to think. So he stands in silence, glaring at the metal doors until they slide open. Sakura stumbles clumsily when they move to get out on the fifth floor. They are led through corridor after corridor, where the walls are all white, lilac or yellow.

Sasuke doesn't notice on which department they are, but he notice how nervous Sakura is, even though she works at a hospital every day.

"–e? Sasuke?"

"What?"

Lee grimaces, but he is too polite to point out his friend's rudeness. Sasuke wants to hit him, punch him in the face. He doesn't like the concern. "Sakura and I will wait outside."

With a shrug, Sasuke opens the door in front of him. He isn't nervous when he enters; he isn't scared; he isn't sad; he isn't worried. Not until he enters.

When he enters, he finds his lover in a bed that isn't theirs. He finds Naruto there, looking pale and staring at the ceiling as if God will soon answer his questions. He finds fear, worry, unease. It is a hospital bed, not their bed in the bedroom with orange walls.

Fuck, Sasuke thinks. Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuck.

He is waking up now. As if someone (_Naruto_) poured cold water on him, he is waking up and returning to reality. Reality, where the air is thick with disease and antiseptic. Reality, where the sheets are just as white as the walls. Reality, where Naruto is pale and sad and scared and alone.

Sasuke's mouth his dry, but it doesn't matter, because he doesn't speak.

The anger that flows through him is unstoppable, and he can't control himself when Naruto weakly tries to sit up properly. "Is it the flu?"

Naruto looks offended by the harsh words that are spat at him. However, the Uchiha only becomes angrier when there is no respond. (You don't kick people that are lying down.) He wants to hit something, because something is wrong and he doesn't know what – because something is wrong and Naruto hasn't told him and Naruto doesn't fight back.

"Why are you here? How did you get here? _When_?"

Sasuke doesn't know if this is all he says, or if there are more curse-words nestled in between the questions. He doesn't know, because even if he didn't hear them, Naruto looks like he did. Sasuke wants to reach out and slap some sense into the other, because the frustration and irritation is once again taking over from inside.

Much like hypothermia, anger is spreading from his very core out to his fingertips, and he is afraid that his organs will stop functioning. (Perhaps it is what he wishes.)

Naruto is now sitting up properly, but it doesn't help, because when the sheets slid a little and reveals long legs, Sasuke wants to die. Those legs, so strong from walking-playing-running, are now fragile. Fragile. Sasuke wants to scream – yell loudly, so that Lee and Sakura hears – that Naruto is sick and ill and ohmyGodwhatifheisdying?

"I'm sorry, Sasuke." Naruto is sorry. Sorry for what, Sasuke wants to ask. He wants to ask so many more questions, but there is an irate pride within him that keeps his mouth shut. "I'm sorry that I lied."

Lies aren't unfamiliar for Sasuke, but when they come from Naruto's mouth, it feels like a sting. A sting in his throat rather than a full-out blow to his stomach. He doesn't want to know what the lies are – he doesn't want to hear what Naruto has said but not meant. He doesn't want to know for how long Naruto has managed to keep this – whatever this is – a secret.

"It's not a cold," Naruto whispers.

Sasuke understands that it isn't a cold. He knows that Naruto doesn't get sick often, and he hopes-hopes-wishes that being cold is all that Naruto has lied about.

Even though it is snowing heavily outside now, Sasuke wonders if he wouldn't prefer walking down the streets of the city without knowing. He doesn't want to hear, but he wants to know what is to come and if there is more that Naruto needs to say. Sasuke feels so cold, despite the anger that is still vibrating within him.

"I was going to tell you, but…"

The way Naruto looks away, turning his head to stare at the white wall instead of looking at his worried-angry-nervous-furious lover… The way Naruto's eyes narrows slightly (in self-loathing)… The way Naruto frowns and doesn't continue his sentence…

…tells Sasuke that Naruto wasn't going to tell him at all.

It makes him pissed off (because he thought that Naruto could tell him everything and anything). It makes him uneasy (because he knows that he wouldn't notice until it was too late). It makes him scared (because he doesn't know how he could have missed this, whatever it is).

The hospital room is far from welcoming, and Sasuke assumes that Naruto would prefer to be alone now, but he grabs a chair and sits down in front of his boyfriend. He reaches out and grabs Naruto's chin harshly, forcing the other to look at him.

(He should have brought a cake.)

"What. Is. Wrong?"

The words are as painful as paper cuts, but Sasuke manages to take the pain like the man he is. He hopes that Naruto can take the pain as well, not because he is a lesser man, but because he looks ready to give up. Naruto, who never gives up. It makes Sasuke nervous.

"It's cancer," Naruto murmurs and it is almost funny.

"Cancer." It isn't funny when Sasuke says it.

"Lung cancer," Naruto confirms.

* * *

**May 12****, 2010 **

The drumming sound is driving Sasuke crazy. It is the drumming of fingers against the table by which they are seated. Sometimes, blunt nails come to accompany the dull rhythm of fingertips against the wood. Dark eyes watch the tan hand as it moves in an endless attempt to copy the song playing. The song playing in the background is long since forgotten by the Uchiha, and his attention is now only on his company.

Kiba drums with his fingers, his other hand wrapped tightly against his cup of chai tea. He is nervous, but so is Sasuke. They are both nervous, but it is okay. Sasuke is allowed to be nervous with Kiba and Kiba is allowed to be nervous with Sasuke. They are nervous together, for the same reason, because they are together and because _they are alone now_.

The coffee shop is filled with people running in and out for coffee in Styrofoam-cups. Sasuke tries not to think of the drumming, and he takes a sip of the latte. (No one comments about the way Sasuke forces the gay caffeine down his throat.) It has turned lukewarm, because neither knows for how long they have been seated there. They sit there weekly, at the same table, drinking latte and chai tea. Sometimes, Sasuke smokes.

Today, he doesn't smoke.

There is only one cigarette left in the worn package. It is safely put in the pocket of his jacket, as always, and the lighter that accompanies the pack is orange.

Kiba drinks his chai tea and stares at the people moving. His fingers keep their steady pace, sometimes going faster to show his restlessness and anxiety. Sasuke sits quietly, now used to the drumming. He sees Kiba do this once a week, when they both meet at the coffee shop for something to do. They are alone, but together they can be nervous and lonely.

Sasuke doesn't smoke today.

* * *

**The End**


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